Big brother
by Frances Desmarais
Summary: I suck at summaries. Russia breaks up with Belarus. Yeah, that's it. Human names used.


Natalia smiles as she watches her beloved big brother gets down from the car and slowly walk towards her. Her big brother has both of his hands in his coat pocket while his nose and mouth are hidden behind his thick white scarf. The snow crunches beneath his heavy boots as he makes his way to his silver haired sister. When he reaches the door, Natalia shifts over to make way for her big brother to enter the small house. There's fire roaring in the fireplace in a corner and the smell of baked cookies is in the air. Natalia closes the door and proceeds to help his big brother to hang up his coat and scarf. He offers her only his coat but keeps his scarf on.

"Hello big brother." Natalia says to him. "How nice of you to come visit." She smiles and sits down on one of the couch, patting an empty space next to her, telling him to sit down. The larger man slowly sits and says nothing. His violet eyes stare straight ahead at the family portrait on top of the fireplace. The portrait was taken a few years ago, with him, Natalia and his older sister Yekaterina hand in hand on a frozen pond. Yekaterina has her arms around his left arm while Natalia has his arms around his waist, trying hard to prevent herself from slipping on the slippery ice. "We need to talk." Ivan suddenly says after an awkward silence. Natalia's smile drops, her eyes went wide and her heartbeat begins to speed up. She does not like the tone of his brother's when he said that.

"What do you want to talk about big brother Ivan?" she asks, trying to hide the fear in her voice. Her hands are trembling in her lap. She's afraid. She's afraid that this will be the day that she fears. The day that his big brother will decide to end this relationship with her. She predicted that, maybe one day, her big brother would come to his senses and tell her that this is not right. He is her brother, they cannot be together, let alone get married. It's just not right. Maybe today is the day…

"I'm sorry Natalia."

_I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I knew he would not agree to this. I knew he would think this is all disgusting and not right. How can some guy date his own sister? Besides, he had his eyes on someone a long time ago…_

"It's not you, it's me. I… I just don't think this is going to work out." The Russian says quietly, still looking at that family portrait in front of him. All of a sudden Natalia feels cold. So cold that she's shivering even inside of her cozy little house. She knows that this relationship is all pretend, those love letters she received from Ivan one day, claiming that he realized that she's the one he loves, those fake 'I love you' texts, those flowers, those chocolates… She wants to scream. She wants to scream and hit him, throw things at him, hurt him and tell him to get out. But she also wants him to hold her tight, tell her that this is all just a joke, even if she knows that this is all pretend, and then they'll make up and pretend nothing happens. After that she'll wake up in her bed, with Ivan in the kitchen making breakfast while sipping on a glass of Vodka. She wants to live longer in this fairy tale; to believe that her brother, the one she loves, really, truly love her.

"It's him, no? The guy from that restaurant?" Natalia asks, trying to sound calm and holding back tears. Ivan tenses up and looks at her. "How do you know?" he asks. "I can tell. The way you look at him, the way you talk to him… you love him do you, big brother?" Natalia says, looking straight into those pair of violet eyes that are identical to hers. Ivan smiles and lets out a contented sigh. "Da."

The guy, that beautiful Chinese guy who works in that Chinese restaurant downtown. That one night, when Natalia and Ivan were out for a 'date', they decided to try something in that restaurant, since the bright lights and the lanterns and the smell of food were all so inviting. Once they stepped into the restaurant, a beautiful brown hair woman came and took them to their seats. But it turns out that the woman is not a woman, it's a man. The man used his heavy Chinese accent to introduce them to the restaurant's most popular dish and when they finished order, disappeared into the kitchen. The whole night, Natalia noticed that Ivan's gaze was on that guy. Several times their eyes met. The man offered Ivan a smile and Ivan smiled back. That night, all of the food taste like jealousy and hate to Natalia.

"His name is Yao. Wang Yao. He came here from Beijing a few years ago and then started to work there. After that night, I went back several times. I was in love with that man Natalia. His beautiful brown eyes and that gorgeous long hair. He is now single. Do you think I have a chance?" Ivan says the last part quietly, but loud enough for Natalia to hear and cause her heart to break in a million pieces. So her brother is leaving her for a Chinese guy…

"I'm really sorry." Ivan says, turning to face Natalia, holding her hands in his. "Don't." she whispers. "Please Ivan, don't say you're sorry. I'm the one who should be saying sorry." Natalia lets the tears fall freely from her eyes; she lifts her head and looks at her brother, who now has an apologetic look on his face. "I… I shouldn't force you to be in this relationship with me… it was so selfish and so cruel… I'm so sorry..."

She loves her brother, she really do. But… she wants him to be happy. If being with her he is not happy then… wouldn't that make Natalia a cruel selfish person?

"Do you really truly love him? Do you really love Yao, big brother Ivan…?" Natalia asks, avoiding her brother's piercing violet orbs. Natalia is now twisting the fabric of her apron and biting her lips so hard, so hard that she can taste the metallic taste of her own blood.

"Da Natalia, da. I do. I do love Yao with all of my heart. I think about him every day, every hour, every minute and every second. It's like my brain has been programmed to only think of Yao. It's weird, so weird." Ivan says, smiling all the while.

Natalia can feel a single tear slowly slides down from her cheek. After all her hard work of getting her brother to love her, then he did and then he didn't again. It's just so pathetic. Natalia laughs darkly at herself. "I'm stupid aren't I?" Natalia lifts her head to look at her silver haired brother. "I'm so stupid and so so so selfish. Why…" finally, the dam broke and Natalia broke down crying in front of Ivan. She covers her face with both of her hands as tears stream down her face like little waterfalls.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I'm a horrible person. Please don't hate me, please…"

Ivan wraps his arms around Natalia and holds her close to his chest. She can hear the steady heartbeat of his big brother.

Thump, thump, thump.

"Hush hush love… it's ok, it's ok. It's not your fault." Ivan pats on her head and he whispers gently to her. "Even if I love Yao, I'll always love you too Natalia, as a little sister. I won't hate you. You're not horrible, you're amazing. Hush hush now my love…"

Natalia sobs. She buries her face in her beloved brother's chest, inhaling the familiar smell of his brother, a scent only of his, the smell of snow with vodka. She wants to just stay here in his arms forever and ever, but she can't. She lifts her head up and looks into his brother's eyes. Slowly, ever so slowly, she leans in and presses her cold little lips to his brother's. After a few seconds, she pulls away and notices that he is blushing all the way up to his ears.

"I love you, big brother, but I know you love Yao more than you love me and I am only your little sister. I want you to be happy so… go on, go and find Yao." Natalia holds Ivan's big hands in her tiny ones and says. "Can I?" Ivan asks, still blushing, his tone a little bit too cheerful and it disgusts Natalia.

"Of course. Go."

Ivan stands up and plants a kiss on Natalia's forehead, then pulls her in for a big hug.

"Thank you. Thank you."

Ivan releases her and proceeds to put on his coat and goes out the door. After Natalia heard the door slams close, she once again breaks down and cries.


End file.
